The Dilemma of Being A Cynical Groupie

Yes, I have a complex. I used to jeer at my primary, secondary AND JC friends who ‘chased’ after idols. I thought they were silly and wasted precious time queuing and doing loads of silly stuff. All for someone who probably don’t know your existence, someone who depended on you for a living in a way and yet can hurt you just by a wrong tone of voice.
I’m not afraid to admit, I’m a groupie. However I am also a cynical bitch. I find it hard to believe even my beloved band when they sprout words all idols say. I believe them up to a certain extent but some stuff I think we must all take it with a pinch of salt.
有時候我覺得自己真的很拗,而且很莫名其妙。 又想追,又害羞;又想看,又覺得自己很白痴。Hankering after something? I don’t even know what it is that I want out of this. The thrill? Definitely not. Maybe I should get back to the basics, back to the first time I heard them, back to why I love this band. When the lyrics seemed to speak from my heart, when everything I ever felt but never told anyone, they gave it to me in their music. 其餘的一切,都是貪心,畢竟已經有了很多很多。At least I made a lot of friends(ok, some enemies too) because of them.
I’m not sure about others but on my part, I felt the draw because to me they are just normal people. 就是跟你和我一樣的人,也是有缺點、會有情緒、會犯錯、會有同樣的感受的普通人。You get lured with this false sense of familiarity but then you realise that they are not your friends, no matter how often you talk face to face or online, even if they know you by name, there are certain borders you don’t cross.
I think this blog will turn into Confessions of A Cynical Groupie if I continue like that.

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2 Responses

  1. Same feelings too 😦

  2. 年紀越大就覺得越丟臉…..
    矛盾也越來越多….
    又愛又很….
    我們快精神分裂了嗎??

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